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I am a keen reader – but if I’m being honest, I’ve never really been able to commit to any non-fiction (unless it’s a cook book). In the build-up to the start of my training contract, however, my partner noticed how apprehensive I was getting about starting a professional career (I had a previous career in travel) and he challenged me to explore some self-help theory, to see if it could help.
Suffice to say, he was right. The self-help books I’ve read have provided me with multiple tools I’ve put to good use throughout my training contract – and also in my personal life. So much so, that I thought it was worth sharing some of the top tips from my three favourite self-help books because they genuinely have helped me, and could help others entering the legal world. Please take this all with a pinch of salt; I appreciate life is not as simplistic as many of these concepts reduce it to. If even the essence can help someone in a similar position however, then I’m happy!
1. The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
This was a fantastic book on the theory behind the power of positive thinking, and the pseudoscientific (I know, I know) law of attraction. In short, positive thoughts bring positive things to your life, negative thoughts attract negative outcomes. The cynic in me questioned the validity of this concept whilst I was reading (surely positive people are simply more likely to see the positive in any outcome whereas negative thinkers will likely focus more on the negative elements of a situation?) but either way – more positivity in the world is certainly not a bad thing!
The Secret goes on to describe how one can manifest the life they want, by positively preparing for it, and keeping the mind open and curious about the path to get there – not being fixated on a specific route, or focusing on what is lacking in the life that exists before achieving this goal.
What I found the most beneficial however, was the array of practical tools that could support creating a more positive mindset – in particular, positive reframing. The book suggested noticing when your brain is focusing on what you are lacking, and described how to shift that perspective by focusing on what you do have in abundance.
For example, when having a particularly busy work week, I noticed I was mainly talking and thinking about how busy I was and how tired I was. If the book’s theory is to be believed, this would only exacerbate the period of difficulty and attract more to me by focusing on the negatives. So, I tried a reframe as described in the book, focusing on the positives – how incredible it was that I had been given the responsibility to work on this complex matter, how much I had wanted this job and this training contract, and how much fun I’d had the previous week when I had finished work early enough to head to the beach. When my brain kept slipping back into negative loops, or I found myself reaching for negative language to describe how I was, I made a conscious effort to try and list the things I was appreciative of that day – which could have been anything from making a perfect coffee, some beautiful light in my kitchen, or calling my mum in the evening.
I found this the most enjoyable learning from the book. The regular exercise of appreciation – looking around and actively acknowledging how lucky I was to even have the basics of life (safety, warmth, nourishment), and knowing my loved ones were similarly so, I genuinely think was instrumental to me being a bit more relaxed when things were stressful, or I had made mistakes. I know, I know – someone saying “it could be worse” when things go wrong is most of the time wildly annoying, and whilst I agree saying it isn’t necessarily constructive when finding a solution, thinking it has helped me rationalise mistakes or problems, so I can focus more calmly on finding a solution or just getting through it.
I’ve found I’m certainly more resilient, and genuinely just a lot happier in general – not just at work. I can’t say for certain whether this theory works or if it’s the complete reason behind this improvement, but I certainly have found myself having far fewer negative spirals and panicked reactions to problems, and feel more positive, so I’m going to keep it up.
2. Million Dollar Habits by Stellan Moreira
I originally bought this book as I confused it with one written by Brian Tracy who was also the author of ‘Eat that Frog!’ – a book about a self-help concept I was introduced to during my previous career, in which you make sure to confront tasks you don’t want to complete quicky, and don’t avoid them. My old manager used to make sure we swallowed at least one frog a day and it’s really stuck with me throughout my working life. Whether the ‘frog’ is a fiddly HR task I have to complete or a difficult phone call with a client, I know the best way to deal with it is to confront it as soon as possible and get it off my list.
However, the book I actually bought is a 2017 self-help book by Stellan Moreira who presents 27 different habits to support a successful, happy life. In Million Dollar Habits, Moreira argues that habits are the key to success – and understanding how to break negative habits and creative positive habits is a powerful tool in creating the life you want. I read this after ‘The Secret’ and found a fair few overlaps between these concepts but in general it was an interesting and useful read.
The book suggests that a habit is created by a cue, routine and reward. For example, if you randomly check social media during the day, perhaps whilst waiting for your lunch to warm up, the act of standing by the microwave could cue you to think about checking social media. The reward would be the dopamine release social media sites have been designed to trigger.
Therefore, if you always indulge this cue and routinely act on it, then you could create a habit of checking social media whenever you’re making lunch – which could in turn extend to checking your phone every time you step away from your desk. I use this example because after reading this book, and exploring what habits I had, I realised this was a habit I had developed, and I imagine is something that many others with smart phones might relate to.
The book describes that understanding the building blocks that form a habit, also helps you to dismantle it when you have habits you’d like to break. Identifying the habit’s cues, reward and routine, and confronting the root of why this habit developed is essential to breaking it.
For example, for my phone usage I realise the cue of standing up to move away from my desk, had me reaching for my phone. I realised I had likely started this out of a mixture of boredom whilst waiting for my food to cook at lunch, and needing something to look at or occupy my hands whilst in the cafeteria prior to having made friends at the firm. I am now friends with enough colleagues that I shouldn’t really need this crutch – and am certainly busy enough that my brain likely needs a break from a screen when I’m away from my desk. Reward-wise, I know I definitely receive a dopamine hit as my reward, whether that’s from receiving a message from a friend or finding something to buy whilst scrolling!
With that in mind, I am currently on a mission to break the habit, which has extended cutting down my social media use in general. It is definitely not broken yet, but I am getting there! I now keep my phone in my bag and off my desk during the day, so my muscle memory to reach for it is less effective, and I delete Instagram during the working day. I’ve reached the stage where even when I redownload it during the evenings, there are times where I’ll delete it again pretty quickly as I feel more overwhelmed when suddenly exposed to all the noise. I’ve also taken back up the New York times Wordle and Connections games, for moments where I am waiting by the microwave. I am trying to coax myself into being more comfortable just standing and waiting without a phone, but this one is more tough as it can make me feel a little vulnerable and anxious. (When did that begin?!) Trying to break some of my phone habits has made me so much more aware of the subtly sinister way I have become slightly addicted to my phone, which has been the most interesting learning from this book for me.
The book also suggests how you can use these building blocks to create habits that can benefit you and help you towards success – such as working positive affirmations into your routine or creating an exercise commitment.
3. Mindset by Carol S. Dweck
One of the icons of self-help literature – I’ve been intending to read this for years, and am so glad I did prior to the training contract as it really supports learning.
The book focuses around introducing and explaining the differences between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset, suggesting that individuals fall into one of these categories. Those with fixed mindsets have pre-set ideas of ability and value, whereas those with growth mindsets are open to limitless development.
Dweck describes how central to this is how each mentality perceives and reacts to failure. Those with a growth mentality will see the positives in mistakes, learning something from each experience, whereas those with fixed mindsets instead will see mistakes as failures which are to be avoided and feared. The book describes how failures are a key part of success, and if one avoids mistakes, they will limit their own growth in that area. Those who are open to failure, and don’t mind losing in order to gain experience and learn, in turn become more resilient, as well as more experienced in the field in which they are pushing out of their comfort zone.
This was profoundly helpful as a trainee, as I really came to see the role as a two year opportunity to make mistakes. To view these two years mentally – without billable targets and without client responsibility (under the trusty supervision of qualified lawyers!) – as the safest place to get uncomfortable and be open to making mistakes, hugely helped my confidence in approaching new tasks and getting stuck in. It also really helped me accept the mistakes I made, which was an added bonus, as I could then seek the support to deal with those mistakes effectively and find a solution. I found it really helpful to focus on appreciating the fact that I’d made the mistake and learnt from it whilst still junior enough that the repercussions were minimal.
Again, you may notice some overlaps here with ‘The Secret’ – finding the positive in every situation, including a negative mistake. Regardless, the concept seems to have worked for me, and I think has helped me approach every undulation of this intense learning period with a more positive and resilient mindset.